Exams! Hands down the most stressful period of life that I had experienced to date. Having to revise and maintain ALL of that knowledge for a period of time no longer than a couple of months is ridiculous, and in my opinion doesn’t actually prepare you for the outside world.. but anyways. Charlie hated exams, much like many others, and he practically did anything that meant he didn’t have to attend revision sessions (remember the thing about him not being challenged, yeah that plays in here).
It was a few days before school was due to start again, after the revision weeks, and I had plans with Anna to meet and get her hair cut in Oxford. I got up, brushed my teeth, half did my hair (because I knew I was meeting Anna so no effort needed), I put on some half decent clothes and made my way into town. Anna had been texting me on my way making sure I was where I said I was, and she told me to meet her outside the Sainsbury’s near the bus stop, so I did. On arrival, I called Anna to ask where she was and she told me to turn around, and stood right across me, with a punnet of grapes, was Charlie. I cannot put into words the expression on my face: a mix between shock, surprise, happiness (and honestly a little peed that they could fool me so easily). It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever thought to do for me, and of course he was getting out of revision too. I spent the day showing him the minimal touristic sites (in my opinion compared to Bath) that Oxford has to offer. I took him to some memorial thing, and Christ church (obviously) and that’s about it- great tour guide, I know. I couldn’t/ wouldn’t take him back to mine because then I’d have to explain to my parents who he was, why he was here and deal with the questions that proceeded; so to avoid that we stuck to the centre.
Writing this now I’m struggling to remember the feeling of having him next to me. I have the memories, I see them vividly playing in my head, memory after memory, but I can’t remember how it feels, all I can remember are the moments.
After a day filled of doing what we do best (no, surprisingly I’m not talking about anything physical).. TALKING, I walked him to the station, kissed him goodbye and made my way home. The day was like a blur, it felt like a scene from a movie which I guess meant it didn’t translate into something that could possibly be real. I would like to say that I was thankful for every moment Charlie and I had together. That I had learnt to fall in love with the memories we were creating, as opposed to the memories I wanted us to create.
Throughout our whole relationship we spent so much time obsessing over how we were never able to be close by, and the things we were missing out on because of that. Because of that I, especially, forgot to breathe. I have had my life planned out for as long as I remember, and it’s only now that I am realising that my rigid mind-set; however focusing and motivated it is has made me, has taken me away from moments like that, in all of my relationships. Truly magical moments that didn’t really have the chance to fully take my breath away.